There are moments in life that split time into before and after. Losing my mother was one of them. Since May, I’ve been learning how to live in the after, how to breathe again, how to smile again, and how to keep shining even with a heart that still aches.
I’ve shared many of my reflections on Facebook, not because I had the right words, but because writing helped me survive the silence that follows loss. Today, I’m gathering those thoughts here on my blog, hoping they’ll reach someone else who’s grieving too.
If you’ve ever loved deeply and lost profoundly, this is for you.
Grief has no manners. It sneaks up on you without warning. It doesn’t care where you are or what you’re doing. You can be laughing one minute, scrolling through your phone the next, and suddenly, tears. That’s the thing about grief, it doesn’t knock before it enters. It just shows up, uninvited, unapologetic, and heavy.
On May 15, 2025, my beautiful mother, Ruthann Ferguson Abrahams, went home to be with the Lord. Three days later, on May 18, I wrote:
“It’s been three days, and there’s a part of me that just wishes the hospital would call and say it’s a miracle, she’s back, she’s breathing. I keep feeling like she’s somewhere waiting for me to come pick her up. Then reality sets in, and I realize she’s never coming back. I actually have to live my entire life without her, and I don’t know how to do that.”
The truth is, I’m still figuring it out.
The first 30 days after she passed, I barely left my bedroom. I couldn’t bring myself to step into her room. I read through every text message, watched every video, and replayed her voice just to feel close again. Some days I smiled. Most days, I cried.
My daughter, Madison, has her own quiet heartbreak, the kind a mother can’t fix. We just hold each other and cry. And then there’s Gordon, our rock, steady but human, missing his friend too.
I’m grateful for the 53 years I had with her, even though I wish I could have 53 more. I’ve wrestled with guilt, wondering if I could have done more, or said more, or saved her somehow. But I’ve also seen God’s supernatural peace show up in ways I can’t explain.
There’s so much I still want to tell her. So much I still want to ask. I miss holding her hand and hearing her wisdom. But I’m learning that there is life after death, not just for the one who’s gone, but for those of us left behind.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but God’s peace helps us carry them differently. With His strength, I take one step, one moment, one breath at a time.
I’ve learned that joy is not betrayal, it’s part of healing.
This is my new reality:
🩷 I am a daughter without her mother.
🩷 I am a woman shaped by her love.
🩷 I am still healing, still hurting, and still shining.
If you’re grieving, please remember this: You’re not alone. The ache may never leave completely, but you will find your rhythm again. You’ll laugh without guilt. You’ll cry without shame. And somewhere in between, you’ll realize that grief and gratitude can coexist, and that’s where healing begins.
If you’re walking through grief, I want you to know something: you are not broken, you are becoming. Grief changes you, yes, but it also reveals parts of your heart you didn’t know existed, the depth of your love, your resilience, your faith.
Take it one breath at a time. Let yourself feel what you feel. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can. And trust that even in this valley, God’s peace is present.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Share a memory, a prayer, or a moment when you felt your loved one’s presence. Let’s honor them together and remind one another that even through grief, we can still shine.
“Take it one breath at a time” is a beautiful reminder for all of us grieving. Thank you for sharing your heart. I pray that your vulnerability is a blessing to all of your “Shine With Andrea” community.
This part right here: “There’s so much I still want to tell her. So much I still want to ask. I miss holding her hand and hearing her wisdom. But I’m learning that there is life after death, not just for the one who’s gone, but for those of us left behind.” I still ponder I how much more I could of spoke with my mom. The last time, she motioned something with almost indecipherable mumbles was when my sister, my brother went to visit before she left us. We asked her who was who while pointing to each of us. She smiled and motioned a hug to my brother, and when asked of me , she kind of twitched to try and say , Mira you rascal (in a Spanish way) and she kind of slapped her hand towards me and try to cuddle or hug me and we knew she was trying to say, mi traviesa ( my little rascal , ( little black sheep) ( I’m 😭 now ) but I know God has shown me how much she loved me, I was her rainbow child, but I wish I could of done more so she could really feel it. I will stop here. Thanks Andrea for your beautiful voice amongst the noise. GBU.
Thank you for this blog my sister. I am so proud of you. The walk that we’ve been given to walk in the grief journey is not easy nor would it ever be a chosen one but it is one that is guided by grace.
I am continually praying for you and I am so very grateful to be able to have you as my sister. Know that you are not alone.
Moms are so incredibly special and losing them, is felt so deeply. Grief comes in waves.
Bask in the good days and be gentle with yourself on the harder ones. Grief is a journey.
I never stop missing my mom and it’s been 11 years.
God is with us always and his peace sustains us. Praying for you as you navigate your first holiday season without her.
This a beautiful foundation of strength for those of who have and are experiencing loss in one form of another to build on. Thank you for your transparency and love.
My super sweet
Mother-in-Love passed over 25
years ago. We had so many plans and goals unmet. What’s cool is that now when I’m going through a challenge and when I overcome it with Gods Grace, I have actual conversations out loud, telling her all about it.
As a side note, she appeared to my husband in a dream a few weeks after her passing and gave him instructions on several areas. One was EXACTLY
How to rearrange the furniture in our bonus room so that each added piece would fit. So he did, leaving a few empty spaces and us wondering why. A few days later, a U-Haul truck pulled up out of the blue and contained the furniture Rick saw in his dream. He knew exactly where to put each piece!!
This was really good!
I love this part…
”Take it one breath at a time. Let yourself feel what you feel. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can. And trust that even in this valley, God’s peace is present.”
You are a blessing!
Thank you for sharing your heart. Prayerfully it will help someone else going through their process to see how they can still show up, shine through it as well as show them they are not alone.
I don’t think the loss of a Mother is one that our hearts ever fully heal from, because it’s the only human love that’s similar to the love of God, that agape love. A love that’s not based on our actions or performance. A love that’s there whether we deserve it or not.
I know that’s how my mom loved me and one of my brothers. No matter how we showed up she still loved us. She prayed for us and just wanted us to be OK. 😭 That’s a mother’s love!
Thank you for the 🐸 in my throat, the tears that are now flowing, and the memory of my Mother’s love ❤️
God Bless you Andrea, Gordon and Madison!! Love you all 💜
There is life after death, not just for the one who’s gone, but for those of us left behind. The hope that guides one through this season at a tailored pace. Amen.
During my grief journey, I’ve recently come to realize that Grief is the result of the incredible blessing of LOVED shared. This made my heart smile because it’s so true. I LOVE my daddy, my husband, my grandparents, my godmother, my aunts and uncles, and all my loved ones who have gone to their forever home without me. I MISS them all deeply and wish for just one more day to tell them how much their love blessed me, especially during those times when I felt paralyzed by sadness. Because of their unwavering love that still surrounds me, I’ve found the strength to move forward and embrace life. I carry them in my heart everywhere I go. I thank GOD that LOVE is the most powerful force!!!
Thank you for your courage, your beautiful smile, and your words that inspires us to keep going even when our hearts ache and we wish the world would stop so we can catch our breath and find the strength to take the next step forward. Thank you for SHINING!!